Most of my clients think that emotional eating is a curse. That it’s an unfortunate defect they’ve been blighted with, and they were dealt a bad hand in life when it comes to food and weight.

“Poor me! I’m sick of this! Will this food problem ever not torment me?!”

Or something along those lines.

But here’s my take on it…

I’m not sure emotional eating is a bad thing. In fact, I think it might be my guardian angel. 

I know this is the part where you think I’m a crazy person, but hang on a sec.

Emotional eating is an attempt to deal with a tough problem, feeling, or situation we don’t otherwise know how to deal with, and often don’t even know that we have without some kind of symptom to remind us. 

That twitchy feeling that makes us want to go shove brownies down our throats, is like a genius alarm bell, that if responded to appropriately, reminds us to clue into what’s bothering us, before it becomes a more serious problem.

When we strip away the judgement of our emotional eating, and stop calling it a disease, a defect, a problem in and of itself;

we can finally see it for what it is:

An alert that something in our life needs our attention. Something completely unrelated to food or our weight. 

Some people never deal with their problems, because they’re never forced to.

They never leave the job they hate, because they’re not getting fat over it.

They don’t have the tough, but necessary conversations with their partners, because things aren’t “bad enough.”

But emotional eaters have a gift;

a unique opportunity to recognize when some aspect of their lives needs some T.L.C. A.S.A.P.

Emotional Eating is a reminder to love yourself harder, show up for yourself, and give yourself what you really need. 

Be grateful for the reminder. It might be saving your ass.  

Sweets drive you crazy?

Can’t have one bite of ice cream without eating the whole pint?

Maybe it’s chips? Peanut Butter? Kentucky Fried Chicken? Feel free to get weird.

And let me tell you a little something about your favorite “addictive” foods.

The only time you will ever feel “out of control” around a specific food, is when you are restricting it.

Somewhere, somehow, you are judging, shaming, or limiting yourself around that food. You are calling it “bad.” You are wishing you didn’t want it. You are worrying you will lose control, gain weight, get caught.

You are handing that food power over you, by fearing it.

If you don’t believe me, try naming one food that “drives you crazy,” that you allow yourself to eat with complete abandon. No shame, no guilt, no fear of losing control. Just letting that food be a part of your life, like it was when you were a kid. Like it’s No. Big. Deal.

I bet you can’t.

The only answer to fear around food, is allowance, more allowance, and deeper still allowance. If you are a veteran of this work, you may not even be conscious of all the ways in which you are still restricting yourself, but let your “lack of control” remind you. Lack of Control = Lack of Allowance = Binge Waiting To Happen.

Lean into your lack of control, and be surprised by the grace that lifts you up. 

(Tweet and help a brotha out). 

Forgiveness is the first step to changing your relationship with food and your body permanently.

Forgive yourself for putting your body through all that you’ve put her through up until this point — whether that be bingeing, starving, or calling her fat until she could no longer imagine another way to feel.

Forgive yourself for “not getting it” until now (if now), and for continuing to be human and imperfect in your relationship with food.

Forgive yourself for polishing off whatever bag of food you polished off last night in a state of chaos, confusion, and self-loathing. You were doing the best that you could to take care of yourself in that moment, with the tools that you’ve been taught up until this point.

Forgive yourself and practice new tools, gentle tools, loving tools; knowing that they will take time to master. Like learning a new language, you will forget words, and re-learn them the hard way — by “messing up” and asking for help.

Embrace your “mistakes” as the teachers that they are. When we judge, we miss the lesson.

(Feel free to share that last part, it’s my favorite).

and other ways to stop shoveling stale cookies in your mouth for no reason…they’re not even good.

I just care that you address them.

A client recently told me she was struggling not to eat over being tired. She had a new job and was running on 4-5 hours of sleep each night, when she really needs 8. She said, “I can’t help it, I just can’t stop eating when I’m tired.”

I asked her if she ever tried sleeping more. 

See…

We think that ending emotional eating is about finding ways to “not eat” over things.

but the thing is…

Whether or not you eat a cookie when you’re lonely doesn’t fucking matter — what matters is that you’re lonely.

Deal with that.

Many of you think lack of willpower is your problem; that other people are “stronger” than you, and that if you could just muster up the motivation to resist food, you’d finally get your weight problem under control.

WRONG.

If you are truly an emotional eater, that is, if you feel an undeniable urge or pull to eat in non-hunger related situations — guess what? Willpower ain’t gonna do shit for you.

Resisting (verb: to exert force in opposition)

is not a sustainable solution to overcoming emotional needs. Emotional drivers always beat out willpower in the long run. 

When you’re uncomfortable in a given situation (whether that discomfort is driven by boredom, anxiety, loneliness, or even excitement), your brain WILL prioritize “dealing with” that discomfort (i.e. numbing out with food), regardless of how badly you want to lose weight.

Soooo what’s the answer you may be thinking?

Well, for starters, DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT. That is, identify and address the underlying emotional driver. If you’re stressed out, do something that relaxes you; if you’re tired, sleep; if you’re angry, talk to someone; if you feel like shit about your body, read this.