These two pictures were taken minutes apart from one another, and there’s the appearance of a solid 20 lbs differential between them.  Feel free to compare for yourself, and keep in mind that I went for the Little Mermaid this Halloween weekend (in case any of you are wondering why I’m wearing a metallic turquoise dress and/or are carrying a giant conch shell).

Now it does admittedly make me cringe a little to put this “fat picture” on the internet, but I’m trying to prove a point about how deceptive photos can be.   Next time someone takes a “fat picture” of you, just remember, you could look like an Olsen twin in the next one.  It ain’t no thang.

On a second note, I felt super sexy in my dress that entire night – so sexy, in fact, that I had a gentleman visitor for the first time in three months.  Go, Isabel, it’s your birthday, Go Isabel.

God help me if I let a fat photo destroy my good time. (Tweet it) 

No, seriously. Try it. We all know that slowing down, chewing our food and breathing in between bites helps us eat less food and be more present during meals, but even focusing on being present can sometimes feel like a chore. “I don’t WANT to slow down,” I hear all the time. Well, guess what — if you don’t want to do something, you’re not gonna do it very long. Sorry, your food habits are way too deeply ingrained.  If you want to make a change  to your “diet,” it better be FUN.  That’s right, the F-word, FUN.

Ooh-ing and ah-ing over mouthfuls serves two primary functions. First of all, it’s ridiculous — those of us that struggle with food and weight worries tend to take eating waaaay too seriously. RELAX already!

Secondly, eating mindfully doesn’t need to turn into another “should.”  ENJOY that cheesecake sliding down your throat.  Let it be sexy!  I dare you to sit down in the privacy of your own home, and taste your food like it’s the first time…  

Bottom Line:  If you can’t enjoy your food, it will never lose its grip on you.

I’ve binged, I’ve puked, and I’ve been on every diet that drives women clinically insane, mostly because I truly believed that the answer to one failed diet, was an even more restrictive, life-controlling, all-I-can-think-about-is-my-food-and-my-fat kind of diet.

What the hell, I’m gonna take this opportunity to name a few of my most out-of-control diets, just to commiserate if any of you out there are really feeling the *shittiest* right now.

__Atkins

__Baby Atkins (My pediatrician actually put me on this when I was 3)

__The Grapefruit Diet

__The Tasti D-Lite Diet

__Calorie Counting

__The three-straight-hours-of-cardio-a-day Diet (a.k.a. the “Los Angeles Diet”)

__The “Only Eat Naked in front of a Mirror” Diet (a.k.a. the “New Yorker Diet”)

__Only Raw

__Only Juice (or booze)

__The Cigarettes and Chewing Gum Diet

__The Cocaine Diet (my favorite, if you’re trying to go to rehab, like, ASAP)

__Bulimia (ditto)

__The Fat-Free Pringles Diet (Seriously, Don’t.  You will shit for weeks.)

AND wouldn’t you know it?  Through all of these, I STILL managed to stay about 30-40lbs overweight throughout most of my teen years and some of college (that is, until I was kicked out and sent to REHAB where I belonged).

Eight years later, I can pretty much guarantee that, “Upping the Diet” isn’t the answer.  On the contrary, every time I relax my tightly clenched fist around food rules, and let go of my latest attempt to lose weight, I end up eating less food, and more importantly, thinking less food.