Category Archives: Uncategorized

A Word About “Fat Photos”

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These two pictures were taken minutes apart from one another, and there’s the appearance of a solid 20 lbs differential between them.  Feel free to compare for yourself, and keep in mind that I went for the Little Mermaid this Halloween weekend (in case any of you are wondering why I’m wearing a metallic turquoise dress and/or are carrying a giant conch shell).

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Now it does admittedly make me cringe a little to put this “fat picture” on the internet, but I’m trying to prove a point about how deceptive photos can be.   Next time someone takes a “fat picture” of you, just remember, you could look like an Olsen twin in the next one.  It ain’t no thang.

On a second note, I felt super sexy in my dress that entire night – so sexy, in fact, that I had a gentleman visitor for the first time in three months.  Go, Isabel, it’s your birthday, Go Isabel.

God help me if I let a fat photo destroy my good time. (Tweet it) 

You Know You’re Restricting If…

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  1. You’re constantly thinking about when and what you’re going to eat next.
  2. Having set mealtimes (or veering from set mealtimes) stresses you out.
  3. You don’t love having food prepared for you (i.e. you feel most comfortable when you’re in control of what’s going onto your plate).
  4. Certain foods are rewards, when you’ve been “good” or lost weight.
  5. Your orders at restaurants involve two or more substitutions/alterations.
  6. You have dreams (or nightmares) about food or “slipping” when you’re fast asleep.
  7. You regularly decline dinner invitations, because you’re not sure what you’ll be able to eat.
  8. Fruit is a “free” food.
  9. You use a scale or measuring cup when serving yourself.
  10. Thanksgiving scares the shit out of you.

Make Orgasm Noises While You Eat

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No, seriously.  Try it.  We all know that slowing down, chewing our food and breathing in between bites helps us eat less food and be more present during meals, but even focusing on being present can sometimes feel like a chore.  “I don’t WANT to slow down,” I hear all the time.  Well, guess what — if you don’t want to do something, you’re not gonna do it very long.  Sorry, your food habits are way too deeply ingrained.  If you want to make a change  to your “diet,” it better be FUN.  That’s right, the F-word, FUN.

Ooh-ing and ah-ing over mouthfuls serves two primary functions.  First of all, it’s ridiculous — those of us that struggle with food and weight worries tend to take eating waaaay too seriously.  RELAX already!

Secondly, eating mindfully doesn’t need to turn into another “should.”  ENJOY that cheesecake sliding down your throat.  Let it be sexy!  I dare you to sit down in the privacy of your own home, and taste your food like it’s the first time…  

Bottom Line:  If you can’t enjoy your food, it will never lose its grip on you.

Why Upping the Diet, Isn’t the Answer

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I’ve binged, I’ve puked, and I’ve been on every diet that drives women clinically insane, mostly because I truly believed that the answer to one failed diet, was an even more restrictive, life-controlling, all-I-can-think-about-is-my-food-and-my-fat kind of diet.

What the hell, I’m gonna take this opportunity to name a few of my most out-of-control diets, just to commiserate if any of you out there are really feeling the *shittiest* right now.

__Atkins

__Baby Atkins (My pediatrician actually put me on this when I was 3)

__The Grapefruit Diet

__The Tasti D-Lite Diet

__Calorie Counting

__The three-straight-hours-of-cardio-a-day Diet (a.k.a. the “Los Angeles Diet”)

__The “Only Eat Naked in front of a Mirror” Diet (a.k.a. the “New Yorker Diet”)

__Only Raw

__Only Juice (or booze)

__The Cigarettes and Chewing Gum Diet

__The Cocaine Diet (my favorite, if you’re trying to go to rehab, like, ASAP)

__Bulimia (ditto)

__The Fat-Free Pringles Diet (Seriously, Don’t.  You will shit for weeks.)

AND wouldn’t you know it?  Through all of these, I STILL managed to stay about 30-40lbs overweight throughout most of my teen years and some of college (that is, until I was kicked out and sent to REHAB where I belonged).

Eight years later, I can pretty much guarantee that, “Upping the Diet” isn’t the answer.  On the contrary, every time I relax my tightly clenched fist around food rules, and let go of my latest attempt to lose weight, I end up eating less food, and more importantly, thinking less food.

Are You Thinking Too Much Food?

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For all the time I spend actually eating food, I spend 1000X more just dreaming about it.  Thinking about food, not eating it, is my true addiction.  I could spend hours reading restaurant reviews, googling recipes, or researching all the many dangers of gluten – the list goes on and on.  I actually notice that when I feel insecure, anxious, stressed out or otherwise uncomfortable, my brain automatically morphs into, what I call, the black tunnel of food-related thinking.

It is this thinking that actually spurs us onto act with food.  (You know, like when you stick your head in a freezer searching for your roommate’s Ben and Jerry’s at 3 o’clock in the morning).  We can’t help emotions, but we can re-direct our food thoughts.  That is the challenge, and that is where I encourage everyone to start this intuitive eating journey.

There is No “Answer”

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FYI Shit is about to get emo.

For the majority of my adult life, I’ve lived my life around food thinking to myself “I just need to find the answer.”  What will it be?  Is it Weight Watchers?  Overeaters Anonymous?  Intuitive Eating?  What IS IT ALREADY???? I”M READY TO BE THIN NOW THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

And then one day it occurred to me, “what if there is no answer?”  What if the “answer” is “no answer?”  What would that mean??  How would that inform my choices around food?

It would mean I’d never have to binge again, because something I’m doing with food isn’t working.  It would mean there are no mistakes.  It would mean every day I can wake up and make choices freely, to eat more or to eat less.  It would mean the search is over, and the pressure’s off.  It would mean I could relax knowing there is nothing wrong with me.

Maybe today I will fly by the seat of my pants.  Maybe today I will make no plans, but to love and nourish myself appropriately at any present moment (with food or without).

Motivation for Single People

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Losing weight is not motivating enough to not eat when you really want to change how you’re feeling right now.

Here’s another mental model:  eat like you’re gonna get laid tonight.  Do you really want to feel like a clogged up toilet when you meet that super hot fox at the deli by chance tonight? No.  You don’t.

The point is, your choice doesn’t have to be banana pudding now, or feeling thin in three months.  I know I’d choose banana pudding every time.  I could be dead in 3 months, and I want my banana pudding.

The way sexier choice is between banana pudding now (and the likely bedtime and romcom I’m usually relegated to after consuming mass quantities of sugar and dairy) or maintenance of my physical energy through a slightly less aggressive food choice and the possibility of dancing, flirting or wild, uninhibited sex later tonight.

If mass quantities of dairy and sugar make you feel kind of sick and un-sexy, is it really worth missing out on what could be the night of your life?  I know I’m not trying to be bloated and phlegmy when it’s very possible that I meet my husband tonight (or at least an “activity partner”).

How do you want to feel, not in six weeks, but in 45 minutes?  That’s how we should be eating if we want to live fun, adventurous lives.  Always work under the assumption that today is the most important, most fun, most potentially magical day of your life.  Do you really want to be in bed with a food hangover? I didn’t think so.

Things To Do… Other Than Food

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When we’re really deep in the food and weight haze, it can be hard to remember that we actually have other legitimate interests outside of trying to lose weight or trying to (not) eat whatever the fuck we’re obsessed with at that very moment. When I feel the food and weight thoughts starting to choke me, like I can’t even think about anything else for more than 10 seconds, I do a quick stream-of-consciousness style mind game where I think of 5 non-food-related activities I legitimately enjoy, just to remind myself that I do in fact have interests (and a life) outside of all the silly food noise.

Quick! Think of five non-food related things you like to do right now! GO

Here are mine:

reading magazines (the top shelf kind)
HBO On Demand
making playlists
youporn-ing
stalking myself on facebook (I am soo pretty)

your turn.

How to Know If You’re “Doing It Right”

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When you’re learning a new skill, it’s pretty normal to want reassurance that you’re “doing it right,” even around something as definitively imperfect as intuitive eating.  I’m sure many of you are out there REALLY struggling not to weigh yourself, desperately wanting to judge your progress, and see if this intuitive eating thing is really worth your time.

I get it – this is a totally normal “old” thought pattern.  We are all looking for excuses to judge ourselves and the world around us all the time, and it’s a slow process to break that mental model.

In the meantime, here are some questions to pull out when you think to yourself “is this working?” or “is all this loving myself just making me fatter?”

Here’s how you know you’re on the right track:

  1. You love yourself more, so you’re just plain old happier most of the time.
  2. You accept dinner invitations, unless you have another legitimate conflict.
  3. You have awesome clothes that you love wearing in public (and you regularly take more pride in your appearance).
  4. Being naked is more fun, with a partner or alone.
  5. You generally experience more pleasure and joy (i.e. you pay attention to what’s actually happening in your life). Yay.

Here’s how you DON’T know you’re on the right track (i.e. benchmarks that are irrelevant):

  1. You weigh more or less than you used to (or stayed the same)
  2. You have more control over your own behavior (i.e. improved “willpower”)
  3. You have things you think you should (boyfriend, job, apartment in tribeca).
  4. Your mother thinks “you’re doing so well!”
  5. You weigh more or less than you used to (this one merits repetition).

These benchmarks (although some may be nice) are NOT actually a marker that you are happy, joyous, or free from obsessive food and weight thoughts.  From today forward, your “progress” is a function of how you feel about yourself, not by external measurement.

Remember, self-judgment is product of your imagination.  If you’re going to play make believe, wouldn’t it be more fun to play “I love myself and my life is awesome” than to play “My life sucks and I’m too fat to be loved?”

You literally get to choose between these two games everyday.  Your choice.